i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
