the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
