just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
