Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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