I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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