The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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