Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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