The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
