ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
