I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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