you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
