she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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