We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
