my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
