Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
