she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
