I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
