I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
