I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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