No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
