remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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