i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no you cant smoke seaweed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
