I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
