If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
