we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
