i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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