Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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