Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
