He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
