Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
