You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
