It's Friday. Sex?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
