oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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