I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
