if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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