11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
