matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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