wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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