i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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