These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
