Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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