Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
