I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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