so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
