Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
