why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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