then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
