I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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