tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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