2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
