He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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