He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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