Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
