go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
