grandma shit on top of the toilet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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