He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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