My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
