I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
