no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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