he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
