Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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