Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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