If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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