My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
