the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
