you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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