i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
