you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
