so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize