just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
