Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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