I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
