If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
