I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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